One of the hardest things to get used to is not having the ability to remember everyday things. I know that my memory is slipping away. It is one thing that I am sure of. Being with the Alzheimer’s Association for 17 years lets me know the future. The only thing that I don’t like is that the future is here.
What happened to the guy who could multi-task all day long? What happened to the guy that could be distracted but could get back on task really quick? What happened to the guy that could get up in front of people and talk about any subject for any length of time? Where is that happy-go-lucky individual that worries about very little? Where is the guy that has confidence in all that he does or tries?
There are days that I can not put ideas together and have a legible conversation. I know what I want to say most times, but it is difficult to get the words out. I can see the words in my mind but they getting in a sentence is a challenge. When I am talking to Edie and I get distracted, it is hard to get back on task. Then I sit there trying to get back the topic of discussion. Edie is good at letting me try to work it out. When she sees that I am really struggling to get it back, she will remind me of what we were talking about. Speaking of getting distracted, it is not difficult to get me off topic. Either it is someone distracting me with another conversation, something in the house like the TV draws my attention or my mind just wanders. Sometimes I even change subjects instead of getting back on the original topic. I do get some interesting looks at times.
There was a time that I loved to teach, instruct about my knowledge of the Alzheimer’s disease. I could be in front of any group of people and talk forever. Sometime I talk too much. But it was easy to talk about the disease. Since mom had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I have made it my mission to learn as much as possible about the subject. I have spent many hours just reading and absorbing the information. Science research was my big interest. Most groups really wanted to know what the latest research has discovered. I prided myself in keeping up with the new information. I was glad to be able to let anyone and everyone all the great achievements of the Alzheimer’s Association. It was good to be answer inquiries with relevant information.
That happy-go-lucky guy is not there anymore. I worry that if I get in a conversation with someone, I will lose track of the conversation. I have at times not been able to complete a sentence because of searching for the correct word. It has happened more time than I would like. In a meeting recently I was giving a report for our parish. I got confused with the topic that I had to report. I stood there dumbfounded for a little bit. One of my friends who knew the topic helped me with the key words. It was very embarrassing. I started writing down the information and just read it. That way I knew that I would give the correct information. I used to be able to remember all the minute details and be able to present it properly.
Recently I have struggle with many tasks. I received a record player for Father’s Day. I remembered how to work it and listen to my many albums from the years gone by. Once when the record was done on one side, I almost forgot that I had to flip the record over to get the rest of the music. That would have never happened in the past. I could do it in my sleep since I love music and listened to it almost every day. I especially love gospel music, 40s music and old school Rock and Roll. I spend many hours a week listening to YouTube music. The radio is always on in the van. The old adage that music sooths the save beast really applies to me.
Not only do I get distracted by other people while I am doing something. But I distract myself several times a day. We were driving home from the store I was telling Edie about a conversation I had with my dietician. I lost my train of thought and Edie just turned her head away from me so that I could not see her face as she was snickering. I thought for a few seconds and started laughing at myself. She started laughing too. I told her that I had distracted myself. She said she was glad that it wasn’t her. We both had a good laugh.
One last thing. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself from time to time. It is good medicine to laugh. It stimulated the endorphins in your brain which is a good thing.
My Journey with Dementia 