My Journey with Dementia Blog #8

Physical and Mental Wellbeing

Today is not a great day.  Sometimes it is like that.  I go from good days to bad days.  Some days are worse than others. I don’t know what the day will hold for me until I wake up and get started. One of my issues is I get depressed with anxiety.  Mostly about my health.  There are times it is about my mental decline.  Everyday is an adventure of sorts.

There are days that I hurt so bad I don’t want to ever get out of corporate.  I know that I need to get up but my body says no.  I usably win the battle. I have been placed on 2ml of Oxygen a night.  I don’t sleep by 3 ½ to 4 ½ hours a night.  Sleeping is a chore at times.  My back hurst so much, I can roll over and twist wrong and it wakes me up.  For those who have chronic back pain, you know what I mean.  I go to a VA Chiropractic doctor on a regular basis.  It does help with the stretching.  That feeling goes away in a few hours.  But some relief is better than none.  I had an appointment with Neurosurgeon.  I was excited that maybe I was going the get some quick help.  I got a consult for a CT scan and x-rays of my back and hip.  They will call to set up the scan.  I really got excited that maybe soon things may get better.  Then I received a call for a follow-up appointment with the doctor.  It won’t be for 2 more months. Another downer.  I wanted to scream.  I get my hopes up for a sooner resolution but I guess that won’t be the case.  I almost wanted to ask for some heavy drugs just to dull the pain.  But I know that I don’t really want it.  So, I will just put up with it like i have for the past 7 years.  I hate just putting up with it.  I have a great support group with my family.  That is what helps me to keep going.  I known that I am loved and they show it.  Edie is my rock.

My memory is another issue in itself.  Daily I struggle to remember things.  Dementia is a different animal. I can remember most of my past and early years.  But trying to remember the basic things of the past few days or hours is a chore.  I have even asked Edie if I had breakfast.  She just looks at me and chuckles and says yes.  I love her laugh. Laughter is a healing thing for me. There is day that Edie just lifts me up with her smile and laugh.  There are some very dark days though.  Those days I don’t feel like laughing.  I really don’t want to do anything.  When I feel down and out, I love just getting on the computer and listen to music. I also have Mindfulness music.  Music just seems to make me feel fine.  I can’t tell you it is the music itself or just a way to take my mind off my issues.  Edie can tell when I am down.  She will just come over to me and just give me a hug. She is so sweet.  Sometimes I wonder why she puts up with me.  Even though that we have been married for 49 years she still can calm me down.  I don’t know what I would do without her.  Her soothing voice really works.

Another thing that brightens my day is doing art.  I have taken four years of art. Even though it has been years since I have drawn or painted, it gives me joy.  Just to sit down and concentrate on form, style, dimension and scale makes me use part of my brain that I don’t use enough.  Parts that that I don’t use enough. One of my issues since I have retired is that I don’t use all of my abilities.  Not in not wanting to do it but afraid of getting lost in though as I do many times.  Concentration on a task gets harder and harder.  Even the simplest of task get difficult at times. I have to make lists for everything.